Wisconsin Death Trip (based on a true story) a very, very old story

Once upon a time, actually last night, my sisters and I jump into the younger one's Kia and book over to Superior, Wisconsin for an evening out at the legendary, fancy-shmancy Keyport, king among strip-mall cocktail lounges. The girls are in the mood for karaoke and the trailerdiva is in the mood to shock the small towners a bit. A few alcoholic refreshments are imbibed and the trailerdiva is ready to sign up for her first song. About this time Rex meekly walks in as if he is being led to the slaughter. He joins the girls and nervously orders a beer. He smiles and I can see the genuine fear in his eyes. Damn right, he should be afraid!! If my reputation hasn't preceded me even to this god forsaken hole in the wall, I'm not doing my job. So trailerdiva decides to start things up with some Benatar and fills out her little karaoke slip and hands it to the karaoke hostess with the most enviable tanning booth brown on. Anyway, faster than diarrhea in a White Castle toilet, trailerdiva's name is called. Our friendly karaoke hostess stands on the stage smiling at trailerdiva as she approaches the stage. She is probably thinking "Great, another fat chick that thinks she's Pat Benatar; well, here's hoping she isn't tone deaf, at least." The music starts and trailerdiva begins singing her words, waiting for a reaction. The trailerdiva is shocked and pleased to hear the drunken fools laughing as she sings "You Sleep in the Wet Spot" and thinks maybe this evening will turn out better than she thought. Trailerdiva throws caution to the wind and signs up for another song. More alcohol drinking ensues. Rex is visibly shaking in his seat by this point. Various 'singers', and I am using the word loosely, murder various top forty hits of the past that deserve murdering. Soon the hostess with the mostest is calling trailerdiva back to the stage. Hostess looks at trailerdiva in anticipation as trailerdiva begins singing "Open Sores", her Journey cover. Once agaiin, the crowd actually gets the joke and laughs enthusiastically. About this time random weirdo walks into the bar. She has met trailerdiva on previous occasions and, although she is good at masking her fear, random weirdo is obviously looking for a quick buzz to put a cushion around what she believes is going to turn into a "bumpy ride of an evening out". Trailerdiva, by this time, is stealing drinks from other tables and is ready to go for broke. She works her way through the karaoke catalog and finds no Boston or Black Sabbath, and finally settles on the Knack. Only to be totally deflated by the hostess telling her she can't find the disk. Trailerdiva is almost at a loss at this point. She is too drunk to have to think this hard. She throws caution to the wind and signs up for Cheap Trick before thinking it through clearly, which would have been impossible at this point anyway. Rex, by this point, is shaking so hard that you'd think he worked on a jackhammer eight hours a day instead of that job he has sleeping at the heat plant. Trailerdiva begins "I Want You To Fuck Me' and is so intoxicated she does not notice all the activity her words are causing in the bar. Suddenly the hostess is yanking the microphone out of trailerdiva's hand and hitting her over the head with it. Unfortunately, it is far too late for the hostess to act as if she disapproves of the trailerdiva and the bartender fires her overtanned ass.
She hastily gives trailerdiva her phone number because she has suddenly decided she's a lesbian and wants trailerdiva to be her sugar mama now she's lost her highly lucrative karaoke hostess job. Meanwhile, the entire bar is booing trailerdiva because while it is apparently acceptable to have a guy onstage singing about stroking, a fat chick cannot tell the bar she wants them to fuck her.
Trailerdiva and party hastily race out to their vehicles. Rex burns rubber in the parking lot before he even closes his door all the way. Trailerdiva flips him off and laughs menacingly. She knows he'll be reliving this evening in his nightmares tonight. Random weirdo foolishly asks for a ride to her brothers, not realizing the true power of trailerdiva's memory.