Friday, September 5, 2014

It's all about product placement

Hickster Erotica by Berni Sarazine


As I slowly regain consciousness from my drunken stupor, I stare fixedly at the GPC smoke-yellowed ceiling tiles trying to figure out where in the hell I am. The overwhelming aroma of Aqua Velva stench and bottom shelf Turkey Mountain whiskey slowly permeate my olfactory and I cautiously turn my head toward the source. There you are, lying next to me on the Armstrong linoleum floor of the kitchen in our Skyline double-wide. We are awash in a sea of empty Milwaukee's Best beer cans that have scattered everywhere from the overturned Rubbermaid recycling container. The Motorola 8-track tape player sounds like its on its last leg as it plays yet another round of Fleetwood Mac's Rumours. I notice the fly on your H.A.S.H. Jeans is wide open and your hairy left hand is holding your love unit as if it needs some cuddling after the workout you put it through last night. I am stark naked except for one Frye cowboy boot. I am puzzled as to why I have an open jar of Jif Creamy Peanut Butter nestled between my thighs. I remember you saying something about product placement?? You slowly open one eye and give me a glazed look of desire while you burp up what smells like Kraft Bacon and Cheddar Flavor Easy Cheese and General Mills Nacho Cheese Bugles. You turn and grab the peanut butter and begin spreading it generously on my inner thighs. As a jar of Welch's Grape Jelly suddenly appears out of nowhere, I rejoice in the fact that you are, once again, making me breakfast in bed.

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