The shoppers were freaking and bouncing off walls.
Their Visa and Mastercards flashed in their hands,
Hoping their limits would match their demands.
The children were whining and grabbing at toys,
Not on the list of "good girls and boys".
And Matt in his hi-tops, and I with a map,
Decided that we were just sick of this crap.
When in front of Cinnabonn there arose such a clatter,
I turned my head quickly and saw the gifts scatter.
Into the pile a brat jumped like a flash,
Tore open the wrapping that cost lots of cash.
The Christmas lights flashing like some Vegas show
Gave a psychotic twist to the insanity below
When, what to my disbelieving ears do I hear,
But "mommy wishes you'd stop right this minute, my dear".
The kid was a brat, a damn little shit,
I knew the parents were rich yuppie twits.
Throwing money at their kids without any shame;
Screwed up value system, but who is to blame?
Now Dammitt! Now Shithead! Now Stupid! Now Putz!
Take responsibility for your kids; you're driving me nuts.
To the parking ramp entrance, to the doors of the mall,
Now run away, run away, run away all!!!
As a few little snowflakes turn into a storm,
When disconnected parents collars start to get warm,
So up, higher than high, their blood pressure flew
As they grabbed at their gifts, and their screaming brat, too.
And then, in a roar, I heard the mom scream,
"Stop staring, you'll ruin my kid's self-esteem"!
As I let out a laugh, and I laughed really loud,
Down the tile floor, the little brat ran into the crowd.
He was dressed all in Gap, from his head to his feet.
And his face was all slopped up with chocolate and sweets.
An mp3 player hung from his coat
And he looked like he knew his way with a remote.
His eyes--how lackluster; his pimples--so many!
His cheeks were all bloated, his patience--not any!!
His pouty, big mouth was something obscene,
And the drool on his chin had a glistening sheen.
The sticky candy-cane that he had in his hand
Had surely stickied up items that never were scanned.
He had a fat face and a pretty big butt,
That shook, when he ran through the mall like a nut.
His chubby little legs gave out on himself
And I laughed as he fell into some vendor's shelf.
His eye got all puffy, and he twisted his knee.
And in front of everyone he took a pee.
His mom was all quiet, ran up to some clerk
And borrowed a cart, as I watched with a smirk.
And grabbing her kid, and holding her nose,
She ran to the door in her sheer pantyhose.
She beeped toward her car and it started up fast.
She threw in the gifts and the kid with a blast.
But I think I heard her yell, as she raced out the ramp,
"Next summer, you're spending 3 months at band camp!!!"
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